This reflection is for Exodus 17:3-7.

It has been a long season in the desert. For those of us who are still mostly homebound due to the COVID-19 pandemic, I identify with the Israelites’ desperation. They are thirsting and filled with doubt. God brought them out of Egypt to spend decades in the desert. God saved them, but the journey to the promised land felt like it would never end. Days added up to weeks. Weeks added up to months. Months added up to years. Years added
up to decade after decade. Was it a trap? Was God’s promise lost in all their unfaithfulness?

As I enter my third year of wandering in this particular desert, those thoughts cross my mind. Will this ever end? Did God save me only to leave me in this desert until I die? Every week, the desperation seeps in, reaching a fever pitch every Sunday, when my heart longs for the Living Bread just a few blocks away, waiting for me, but out of my reach.

Because my promised land is the Eucharist. That’s the thing I most need to sustain my life. My three year fast – with a few times of respite mercifully scattered throughout – has been a season of great trial and great spiritual growth. More than ever, I see the Eucharist as the source and summit of my faith. More than ever, I see how the Holy Spirit moves intensely in me through the Bread of Life.

Yet I am still called to this fast. I am still invited to dwell in the desert a little longer. I don’t know when it will be the sufficient time. What I do know is that God is with me. I know that he is still for me. I know that he sees when I am most in need of water in the desert, and I know that he sends me that water.

That water comes in many forms. It comes in the ability to join my church family at the livestreamed Mass, Zoom small groups, by reading devotionals, and via the ancient prayers of the church. God is with me through my home church and through other churches whose ministries come to bring water to my dusty soul. God sends me all the water I need to make it through another day, another week, another month, another year.

For however long I am called to wander in this desert, I know I will not die. Because God is with me.

Stephanie is a contributor to Ora, where you can read reflections for the weekend Mass readings. Go to oraministry.ca to read more.